There’s a children’s book by Judith Viorst entitled “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”. My wife Susan tells me it’s a story that belongs on every child’s bookshelf.

I love that a little kid’s story has such a long title and an even longer impact on those who read it. When our oldest son, Nate, was a little kiddo he liked that book (almost as much as Cinderella! Ha!). He had a few of those kind of days – terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days…

But not always. He had some wonderful days too. He was 27 years old when he died 15 years ago today, March 11th, 2009.

On this March 11th, I’d like to share with you some positive things I’ve learned from my early days with Nate. A decade-and-a-half of grief and loss has (at times) overshadowed the joy of seeing my “Alexander” as he lived his fun-loving, (but according to all kiddos, everywhere: terrible, horrible) days a long time ago in the early years.

Like every newly-minted dad, I thought my first-born child was incredibly gifted. Every new daddy should feel that way about all his kiddos. I still think like that …

The time I had with him was a gift, even if my little boy was just like so many others.

Here’s just a few things I’ve learned, that may touch your heart about our family and me. Certainly they flow from my heart to yours regarding kids and grandkids.

1. Be prepared. When your baby’s first word is “basketball” be prepared for a million future youth sports to occupy your calendar for the next eighteen years - soccer, football, Little League, martial arts…oh, and…basketball!
2. Be surprised. When your 9-year-old child does the unexpected and you’re given a lifetime memory because of that surprise.
3. Be encouraged. When your 17-year-old high schooler gives you a glimpse at how he might change the world, certainly a reason to be proud!

Be prepared: Dave’s not here, man.

Be prepared for whatever comes your way. It won’t be what you think. Cheech and Chong are not role models for a little baby boy, or for ANY young kids! (Ha or adults, for that matter!) In fact, I made their acquaintance as a young college student only through their grimy comedy routine albums, when I was supposed to be a sterling example as a cadet at West Point. Oh, well. One of my fellow classmates shared the comedy duo’s classic routines with me, including Dave’s Not Here and a song they did, entitled Basketball Jones

Not heard it? Umm, no loss. Listen here and DO laugh a little. You’ll better understand what’s coming next.

So, apparently, this goofy song became a tune stuck in my head and one that my little first-born kiddo learned, strapped in his car seat, as we drove around. It was my time as “Mr. Mom”, I suppose! Sometimes he napped, sometimes he babbled. He often just looked out the window at the big world before him. Much of those precious early days just sort of happened.

What resulted from those days was that little-boy-Nathan liked being with me – and I liked being with him. One day he and I were driving around in our automotive nap-cradle listening to the “deep lyrics” of that Cheech and Chong basketball song. My nap-mission was unsuccessful! I parked in our driveway and began to extract the awake-but-quiet little guy; he looked up at me and broke the silence with one word – his first word: Basketball!

I wasn’t prepared for it. And I suddenly howled with laughter. His response? Nater laughed along with me as only a precious baby can. I learned that day to simply be prepared for the unexpected.

Be surprised: Nixon, Schultz and Nater

Be surprised at what comes your way. “Nathan", then "Nater Potater", then "Nate the Skate” – my nick-names for him almost always put a twinkle in his eyes, as he answered to them.

When Nater was nine, my family and I were invited by former president Richard Nixon to attend the grand opening of his Presidential Library. Years before, President Nixon nominated me to attend West Point, and I accepted. This led to correspondences between us, both before and after his resignation from the Presidency. In later years, he’d send his freshly published books to friends as gifts. I received them, autographed by him with kind notes or letters attached. I never ceased being amazed at his kindness.

So, it was additionally kind when he invited us to attend the mid-July grand opening of his Presidential Library… along with thousands of others. We attended and sought to find shelter as the afternoon sun reached its hottest point. Susan, the kids and I found ourselves tucked behind the shade of VIP bleachers. The equally over-heated political glitterazzi of Mr. Nixon’s life were just above us in the searing heat, but with a perfect view of the stage and the four Presidents of the United States standing together.

Nate and I had a goal of taking a photo of Presidents Bush, Nixon, Ford and Reagan as they stood at the dais. Standing behind the bleachers wasn’t going to make that photo happen. Nate knew it, so did I. My 9-year-old son decided to act. He climbed up the back side of the metal bleacher seats with a borrowed 35mm camera slung over his shoulder; soon he poked his head through the slot next to a couple sitting there. Nate later told me they were a “nice old couple named the Schultzes”.

What happened was this: former Secretary of State George Schultz and his wife were the ones who had welcomed Nate to sit with them in the VIP area and take photos from a higher vantage point. Nater got his pictures, thanked them and climbed back down to where we were.

In time, we succeeded in getting all four presidents to autograph it. It hangs framed in my home office today. The photo reminds me of our family, the fun things we did and Nate’s place in our family. We learned to be pleasantly surprised at whatever came our way.

Be encouraged: Handing out political literature – touching the future.

When Nate was 17 years old, he agreed to help out a first-time candidate’s race for the state house of representatives In Idaho. I’ll focus on that in just a second.

Nate helped me on quite a few political races, including California Assembly and Congressional races in S. Cal as well as Idaho Legislative and Congressional races. Once, U.S. Congressman Helen Chenoweth wrote out a Jr. High absence excuse for Nate, because he skipped school to hear her speak at a breakfast event. He helped on her campaign, too. He was with us when I announced for U.S. Congress in 2000, helping where he could while he prepared to leave home and follow his own dreams upon graduation from high school.

As I referenced before, most notably was the year before his graduation, as a Junior in high school, Nate helped that first-time candidate, Mike Moyle, for Idaho State House of Representatives. The young farmer had no political experience and wanted to serve as an elected official. The race was a GOP primary election against an incumbent. The odds were long… but Nate gave it his all. He seemed to summon up everything that he’d learned over the years. As his “daddio” (he called me that because of this scene in Back To The Future) it was so fun to watch him work so hard. He handed out literature throughout the large district – he had some buddies help him too. He paid them from the meager funds he received from the campaign.

On election night, his candidate, Mike Moyle, won by 14 votes - NOT PERCENTAGE POINTS - but actual, individual votes!

A decade and a half after Nate Mansfield passed away, that same legislator, Mike Moyle, became Speaker of the House of Representatives in Idaho.

Be encouraged, you never know how your kids will impact the future.

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So, there you are.

• Be prepared. I love to remember the things of baby Nathan’s first years with us. I learned that he was his own person, even at such a young age – and he made me smile as we drove together during those early years.
• Be surprised. When life’s curvy highway tests your driving ability, go ahead and realize that being surprised is acceptable and CAN lead to wonderful things happening. Nater showed me that.
• Be encouraged. When the road you’re on has rockslides, the immediate difficulty is not what you’ll remember IF you remain encouraged. Play the long game in life… and death. I look at what Nate did in politics and marvel!

How a person dies is unimportant compared to the importance of how they lived.

Hold close all that’s dear to you; but not too close. Prepare, accept surprise, be encouraged. The large windshield going forward works so much better than the small rearview mirror going backwards.

As little Alexander would tell you at the end of his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day: “My mom says some days are like that. Even in… (fill in your home town).

If Nate could respond from his home town of Heaven today, he would agree AND he would tell you that life’s good choices have a positive eternal impact when you live life prepared, surprised and encouraged.

More later,

Den

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Den's Latest & Greatest

• Not aware of the book I wrote about my oldest son, Nate? Beautiful Nate was published a decade ago, and still maintains the vibrancy echoed in this newsletter. Click here to order a book, audio book, or an ebook.
• Want to hear more uplifting life stories? Visit Just Around the Corner with Dennis Mansfield available on Spotify in both audio and video versions. Colin Mansfield, my youngest son, turns the tables and interviews ME on this particular episode! Enjoy and let me know what you think.
• ​Here’s a brief video of Susan and me from 15 years ago at the memorial service for our son, Nathan Dennis Mansfield. May Nate’s relatively short but impactful life encourage you just for today!

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