“That’s a long time to be married after so short a courtship. How did you make it work?” an acquaintance asked when he found out our details.

You see, Susan and I met in January of that year, I asked her to marry me in July and we were married in November. (Valentine’s Day was the first holiday that we celebrated!) This year will be our 48th Valentine’s Day.

So, yes, his question was a good one. Although short courtships don’t always work in the long run, it did for us. So, indeed, how is it that we’ve made our relationship last so long? On this month of romance, flowers and chocolates, that’s a good question to ask. I hope my answer encourages you, though it might not be what you’d expect. I’ll get to that in a moment.

Right now, let’s look at what the statistics say about this romantic holiday:

• 145 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged each Cupid Day.
• A man spends an average of $231 on his gal’s gifts and dinner.
• A woman spends a lower average ($101) on her guy’s gifts.
• 224 million roses are grown each year specifically for Valentine’s Day.
• Candy? Let’s consider Mrs. See…

Yes, let’s DO turn to See’s Candy… and that king of romance, Warren Buffet (ha!) for his thoughts:

Warm feelings and fierce loyalty have allowed See's to hike its prices from less than $2 a pound in 1972 — when Buffett bought the company for $25 million — to more than $20 today.’ Buffet LOVES Mrs. See (It’s more of an office romance, I’d guess…)

So, Valentine’s Day is a HUGE money-maker… so what? That’s not reason enough for the cheapskate in any of us to beg-off from participating in the annual love-fest celebration. It can be a wonderful day of love-kindled remembrance.

Participating once a year in romance is also NOT an excuse for being un-romantic the other days, weeks and months of the year. Allow me to explain.

Clear your head-trash and consider the following:

1. Romance is a state of civility.
2. Romance can encompass one’s whole family.
3. Romance need not cease after divorce of a spouse or death of a loved one.

Romance is a wonderful state of civility

For example, the Romance movement in art celebrated nature, embraced landscape painting, evoked heroism and drama, put humanity on display and provided a platform for nationalistic pride.

Romance authors like Jane Austen, Anne Bronte’, Victor Hugo gave us Sense and Sensibility, Jane Eyre and the Hunchback of Notre-Dame. Tell the characters, Elinor Dashwood. Colonel Brandon and Lucky Steele that romance tales are purely stories of unrequited love…

Romance customs provide retro-protocols that in the case of one recent author suggests unmarried individuals should cease current trends of living together and begin to “date like a Victorian”.

Romance-thinking can breed civility-living. Choose to find great beauty in the things that preceded you and the life you now live, alone or with someone. Dig into romance era art and discover something beautiful about life.

Romance can encompass one’s whole family and others

After the birth of our first two children, my mother-in-law, Wanda, began to send Valentine’s Day cards to the kids and to us, as the parents. They were sweet notes of affection and heart-felt appreciation.

I was somewhat surprised because I’d only seen Valentine’s Day as a day for couples. However, the small gifts, candies and kind words made each of us realize the deep love and kindness in which Wanda held us.

Think about who you deeply love and send them a note/card/candy prior to this February 14th. Elaborate on why it is that you are remembering them on Valentine’s Day. Send cards to nieces and nephews or little kiddos, whose mothers and fathers you respect and for whom you are thankful.

Remember, for just a second, the elementary school teachers that ensured you had a Valentine in your home-made (and decorated) little-kid shoe box, even if few others in your class thought of you. Find an undervalued person in your life and love them, they are sure to feel valued.

Romance need not cease after divorce… or death of a loved one

When you’ve deeply loved a spouse or a child and they’ve either passed away or your ex-spouse left you though divorce, your life is not over. Neither is your romance. At a time of the year when it seems everyone is buying into the sensationalism of emotionalism – the one true love sort of thing – remember that you are here for this season and that whether you love others as you did the one who left, whether you marry again or don’t, you are fully worthy and fully complete; nobody loves you like He does.

Jerry Maguires well-known romance-line of “You complete me,” elicits a rather interesting response from one critic of today:

I laughed out loud when I read the critic’s response, not because I’m a cynic, but because I KNOW romance is so much deeper than a throw-away scripted line in a smarmy flick.

Here’s the truth – You are fully complete now because God made you and he doesn’t stop somewhere along the process, throwing his hands up, saying, “Yeah, that one’s impossible to finish…” Nope, if you are to find peace OR someone else is to find you, it will only really be meaningful because you respect and appreciate yourself, just as you are today. After all, it was Jesus who said, “love your neighbor as yourself.” You and I have to start loving ourselves as God does, then we can love our neighbor… or a current/future spouse. They may just walk into your life, asking what you’d like to order for dinner or dessert…

Though I’ve never been divorced, the death of my oldest son, Nate, was a rip-saw to my soul. I wondered if I could ever even breathe again. I did, one breath after another, one kind word after another, one Valentine’s Day after another. It’s all just death – death of a vision – and a slow re-birth of hope

So, as I promised, let’s return to my story of meeting Susan and falling in love with her, all those years ago. She was my waitress at Swenson’s ice cream shop in S. Cal. I walked into her workplace. After I talked with her and slowly finished my dessert, I walked out of the restaurant with a sincere desire to get to know her. Susan’s kindness and graciousness won me over. I soon fell for her. I asked her to marry me on the 4th of July and we were married in November, just before Thanksgiving of the same year.

You see, our first Valentine’s Day led to the next holiday which led to the next year, which…

I chose to love Susan, one day at a time, I chose to forgive her one hurt at a time and I asked her to forgive me for each time I hurt her. One. Day. At. A. Time. 47 Valentine’s years = 17,155 days. That’s a lot of little moments of mutual respect.

I chose to let all three types of romance be a part of our lives – civility, family and overcoming deep sadness and death. (Oh, and I never go to sleep each evening until I kiss Susan good-night and tell her that I love her. She always returns those words to me.)

I eventually learned that before I could learn to love my neighbor (Susan) I had to learn to love and appreciate myself, by appreciating a state of civility, that included and encompassed my friends and family, realizing that I could withstand any future losses that could (and did) come my way because I am fully known and loved by Him – and therefore I can love my neighbors.

There’s a reason the image of a heart is used during the month of February for romance.

Just don’t believe the lie that Valentine’s Day is single-faceted heart. Tauren Wells put it this way:

More later,

Den

Den's Latest & Greatest

• Consider this - send Valentine’s Day Cards out to every kiddo in your family tree. Little one’s LOVE receiving letters – Throw in a five-dollar bill and tell them to go buy some See’s Candy (Ha!)!! Warren Buffet needs some love, too, this February 14th.
• Send Valentines to EVERY older person who is near and dear to your life. Just write an encouraging word to them. Each will be SO blessed to receive their card – and to be remembered.
• Not sure of a fun Valentine’s Day video to watch with someone (or alone) – try this one: Return To Me. It’s one of our family’ favorites. Here’s the trailer.